dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
