Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
