My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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