32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
