The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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