i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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