I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
