you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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