this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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