just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
