Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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