The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
