Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
