There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
