got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
