When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
