Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
