And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
