We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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