Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
