remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
