So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
