lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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