well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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