Pappa wants mamma naked
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
