I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
