I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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