We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
