Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
