i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
