i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
