oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
