sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
