She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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