Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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