Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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