I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
