the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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