saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
