you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
