cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
