I hate all girls vehemently.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
