Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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