I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
