I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
