New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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