oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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