I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
