help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
