I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
