youre lurking in front of me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
