I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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