is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
