The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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