duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
