it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
