Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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