everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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