I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
