yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
