Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Two words: nipple clamps
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