Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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